in shape.

Q. Who was I fooling? A. Me. I was only fooling myself.

I felt triumphant as I walked out of SNAP Fitness with my white key card dangling from the bright red lanyard. I’d taken a step forward. I went from just HIIT to just the elliptical to weights and cardio to just weights. I was doing a good job, feeling hella strong. Still, my shirts and pants got tighter. My face got fuller. The scale and circumference of my waist increased. I bought newer clothing in larger sizes and pledged to continue to “go hard” in the gym. Something wasn’t right though. Even in all that, my diet was still off considerably.

You ever do this? Think you can literally outrun a horrible diet? I did. And I was only fooling myself. I sure as hell wasn’t fooling my waist line. Or my favorite dress I could no longer fit. Or those jeans I had to box up. Or the camera.  Each one knew what I didn’t know.

ME to ME: I’m good. I can still fit this medium top I bought 6 months ago.
The internet's favorite pursed-lips reaction GIF comes from a 2009 rap battle hosted by the Ultimate Rap League. The battle was between rappers Jesse James and Conceited, a then-newcomer to the battling scene.Conceited was irreverent through Jesse James' bars but made the notorious face when James tripped up over one of his words.

I had to clean up my diet.

I tried to do this by simply vowing to buy better food, but truth be told, we DO buy really good food when we grocery shop. Mostly seafood and chicken (but we NEED that bacon, #sorrynotsorry), fruits, and veggies, with hardly any packaged foods, gallons of water, etc. It’s not how we grocery shop that gets us into trouble. It’s the compulsive snack food shopping.

I’m not kidding when I say it’s compulsive. Whatchu know about going to McDonald’s for a 3 pack of cookies (480 calories and 45 grams of sugar) and hot fudge sundae (340 calories and 48 grams of sugar) at midnight? Or running to the nearest gas station to grab a 20 oz bottle of Coke (240 calories and 65 grams of sugar) and 4 pack of Twix (440 calories, 44 grams of sugar, 20 grams of fat)? Or eating a pack of Oreos in 3 days by yourself (2,730 calories, 253 grams of sugar)? I can tell you I know a lot about it. I have done it dozens of times. And I’m not even counting my love affair with Big Zax Snack Meals, Classic Chicken Sandwich Meals from BK or that Wendy’s 4 for 4 when cravings for salt and ketchup high fructose corn sugar crank up.

I’d eat the BEST breakfast and the BEST lunch and then by the end of the day “reward” myself with a snack or fast food because “what could it hurt, right?” Or a quick late night trip because “it’s not a big deal!”

Before we go any further, I want you to take a glance at the nutrition information I put next to my favorite snacks. 45 grams of sugar? 65 grams of sugar? 253 grams of sugar in 3 days?? And from ONE food item? Am I insane? Am I TRYING to get Type 2 Diabetes? Apparently so. Did you know the suggested added sugar intake for women is only 25 grams? I did! This didn’t stop me from literally eating bags of sugar every week. #SendHelp

Daily Sugar Limit- 9 teaspoons for men, 6 teaspoons for women
Glo note: I was eating over 10 times this on a regular basis. Why???

Did you also know high sugar intake leads to belly fat? I knew this too! Even with all this knowledge, I managed to fool myself into thinking I could “work off” all the trash I was eating. smh…it’s actually kinda funny.

Look, I’m all about being body positive and loving the skin you’re in and all that jazz, but I’m also about not spending money on new clothes just because I’m not making good food choices. Plus, my old clothes are kinda cute and I’d like to wear them again! So yeah, when I break my juice fast tomorrow, you can bet I’m going to be more cautious about how I treat myself in terms of how I eat. It’s imperative, both physically and mentally.